i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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