Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
