I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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