even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
