I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
