When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
