There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
