Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
