I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize