So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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