i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
