Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
