What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
