Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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