Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
