Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
