oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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