what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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