that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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