is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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