she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
