he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No subtext here. People are naked.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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