Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
