SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
