Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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