wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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