i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
