I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
