i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
