I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
