His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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