dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize