so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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