New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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