please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
