can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize