I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
