Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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