May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
