69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
