Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
