my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
