I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize