I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
only you would photoshop your dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
