when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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