thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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