a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
