the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
