Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
