Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
