I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize