I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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