i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Panties = found
Randomize
