Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please, let me fuck your mom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
