I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
