I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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