I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
