hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
