Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
