laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize