I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
