I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize