Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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