she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
