If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Damn victory sex feels great
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
