sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
