no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize