with your own penis?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
