WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
