Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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