um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
