So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
