My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
