please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
