Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
