There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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