is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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