some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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