Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
