she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
