I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
