White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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