we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
