Did you just see the Batmobile???
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
