I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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