I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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