I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize