did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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