how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
