Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
