LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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