he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
