Sry I called you an 8
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
