Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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