I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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