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I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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