I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
