did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
