She said her name was "party"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
