Betty ford says i'm here all night
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were trust falling into bushes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
