They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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