My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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