I heard we made out
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
