i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
