On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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